A woman could be beautiful, funny, a pleasure to be around, and even be active in their church but still not be good marriage material.
She could also be wonderful in the context of dating and still be sorely lacking when it comes to the “game time” issues of marriage.
Over the years I have seen the following major character weaknesses in women become significant hurdles for marital intimacy and satisfaction and even taken down some marriages. Each one of these is significant enough that if the woman you are dating displays several or even one or two to a deep degree, she may not be emotionally or spiritually ready for marriage – regardless of how much fun it is to date her.
If she is not humble
Humility is sadly under-rated. The Christian classics call it “queen of the virtues” for good reason. Humility is the foundation for virtually every other positive character quality. It is what spawns kindness, service, generosity, and confession.
Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, but less about yourself. If you marry an arrogant person, every time there is a conflict she will expect you to change instead of examining her own heart to see what she needs to change.
A proud woman will choose to live where she wants to live. She will spend her holidays with whom she wants to spend her holidays, and will find way to punish you if she does not get her way. A proud woman spends money as if her needs and wants are more important than anyone else’s. And you will feel as if you matter less and less as the years go by, instead of mattering more and more.
If she is a taker
The sad reality is some people are givers and some people are takers. Givers don’t always mind being in a relationship with a taker because they like to give, it brings them joy. But there are times when the giver will need to receive. For instance, the giver gets really sick or is laid off, even though he or she provided the bulk of the income or just goes through a discouraging time and suffers things he has never known before like depression or anxiety. In those instances, can your taker learn to give? In many cases, sadly, the answer is no. The taker freaks out, abandons the relationship or just run around in an emotional and relational panic wanting everyone to feel sorry for them, only adding to the givers problems rather than alleviating them.
If you marry a taker, you are sitting on a relational time – bomb, because you are making a bet that, as a giver, your fallen body and your fallen soul won’t ever get so fallen that you will someday need help, even for a reason.
It is not selfish to want to marry a giver. It is wise. It is being a good steward of your time and life. It is a gift for your future children
If she lives primarily in the virtual world instead of the real one
Technology has come with a lot of changes if not challenges. It has made promiscuous people become more promiscuous.
The innovative mobile applications such as WHATSAPP and Facebook are contributing a lot to making people less intimate, since more time is spent either reading or responding to messages from mobile devices.
It is a very big mistake to marry a woman who loses interest in the real world and the virtual world becomes her passion. She will spend more time on her phone than she spends with you. It will feel like you are competing for her attention with the phone.
If she is not kind
A study listed kindness as one of the top two qualities contributing to marital happiness, and I believe it. Kindness never gets old. Bodies may deteriorate, mental functioning may slow down, beauty may fade, but a kind person usually becomes kinder. If you choose a kind person, you are going to be blessed by their kindness for the rest of your life, maybe even every day. Kind persons love being kind; it gives them joy to be kind. Does your girlfriend look for ways to encourage and bless others in their discouragement? Does she go out of her way to make people feel better rather than worse in social situations?
Kindness is one of those qualities most associated with happiness, and most people desire a happy marriage. If that is you, choose someone who is kind and drop someone who is unkind.
Your happiness will increase if you marry a kind person.
