There’s a growing fad among some friends (male and female) who engage in occasional sexual intimacy as a benefit of their friendship. These friends, I learnt, are not involved in proper dating or courtship; they are just good friends. They may be neighbors, colleagues at work, schoolmates, group or professional mates, club/society members, business partners etc.
However, they are available to respond to the emotional needs of their friends whenever the need arises especially if his/her spouse/partner is not around or the friend is not in a relationship. I understand it’s a convenient way of staying comfortable in friendship as there’re no commitments involved. Therefore, there’s no fear of heartbreak in sight because no expectations or obligations are demanded. Also, there’s no hot or cold jealousy as both parties are not “mutually involved” in relationship. It’s mere friendship with a ‘benefit’.
They serve as confidants to each other, render shoulders to cry over and bosom to lean on in moments of despair or loneliness. It’s strange but true. Interestingly, it is fast gaining ground. A regular reader of this column who shared her experience with me said more women are embracing the option because it “saves you from the frustration and tormenting attitudes of the so-called partners who are never serious or faithful in relationship.” This brand of friendship involves singles, engaged and married. It’s a way designed to ease emotional tension, control mood swing and engender mental stability.
Her words: “I have been jilted a number of times by guys to whom I gave my all. I’m really a hard nut to crack for men but for how long can one stay single when indeed one needs a man to marry? I went into relationships with guys that had endured my hard-to-get attitudes only for them to become uncommitted or playing games. I discovered later that I was wasting my precious time because the affairs were stagnated. “The moment you demand to know what next especially at the beginning of the year, they either accuse you of mounting pressure on them for marriage or they clearly tell you that they have some set goals for themselves in the New Year which unfortunately do not include you or the relationship.
At my age, I decided to stay off commitment with any man until the coast is clearer. And if I have an urge for sex, I have a trusted male friend who is available to take care of me. He has his own relationship, too. “Sir, to maintain sanity and be focused, one has to devise a means to save her life. Most of the guys out there are not serious at all. In my office, two of my colleagues just struck such a deal among themselves. There’s no sense of belonging in this game. You owe yourselves no obligations or commitments. Sex doesn’t happen all the time; it’s just for needy moments only.
